I came across the term 'Glass Child' a few weeks ago and I sort of like it and sort of don't like it at the same time. The term 'Glass Child' refers to a child who is growing up with a sibling who takes up a disproportionate amount of the parents time. (someone else's words not mine) The properties of glass are relatable as the child 'appears' strong even though they might not be and is quite often looked through rather than at......Ouch! Now I'm sure lots of parents whether there are special needs siblings involved or in fact any siblings at all can relate.... Imagine if you will, you are in the middle of doing something which does not involve you child, doing the dinner, laundry, dicking around on your phone (come on, we've all been there) and for the twenty zillionth time that day you hear 'MMMUUUMMMY!!!!" (or DDDDAAAAAADDYYYYY) and then conversation goes like this.....
Little darling : "Look, LOOK at my ....picture / sandcastle /pile of mud" ....whatever creation it may be, you pick.
Parent : (glancing over from where they are) "Oh lovely darling. Well Done" (continues what they're doing)
And then here it comes...... that little stab of parent guilt, right through your heart. That's when I realise that right there right then whatever it was they were trying to show me was really important to them. So I spring up, all systems go and skip over saying in my most la de da Mary Poppins voice 'WOOOOW that's AMAZING!! Well done that really is SO fantastic, I LOVE it, especially this bit here with the......" and I go on the explain how much I adore every singe little detail, by which time the 2 year old has completely lost interest and has removed every single item of clothing and is in the garden. Getting naked is a common occurrence in our house (the kids not me) on this particular occasion she was 'going on a bear hunt and, needed to go through the river'. Fair enough. So I'm sure I'm not alone when I sometimes accidentally ignore my children but the description of a 'Glass Child' means more than those occasions. On the other hand it doesn't mean complete child neglect, no no no, it doesn't mean these children are left without any attention or food and water and stuff goodness no. To me it means that they simply have their needs put second more often than I'd like. I try to divi up my time as equally as I can but sometimes My Little Hollands needs just have to take priority and the girls just have to get on with it so I guess in those moments I do 'look through' rather than at them. It hurts to say it but its true. So much of their time is spent at hospitals or appointments that have nothing to do with them when they would rather be somewhere else, doing something that would be enjoyable and beneficial for them developmentally. They both spend a lot of time waiting. For appointments, for school pick ups, for telephone conversations, for me helping him do things other children of his age can do quite easily and now for things my two year old can get on and do herself. I get that its hard for her to understand why does the baby get carried and he get carried but she has to walk? I don't know how being 'Glass Children' will affect the girls as they grow up, I hope not negatively and to prevent that I can only try to make sure that all the negative sides of it are outweighed by the positives because lets face it its not going to change. The baby is still pretty new and like most babies fairly unpredictable but number two is growing up before my eyes and I can see her personality is developing and how the family she is being brought up in is shaping the person she will become. We get many comments about how mature she is for her age. Don't panic I'm not getting all brag mother on you, she's not going to be taking her maths GCSE next year but emotionally she is quite mature. She takes so much in her stride and just gets on with it without any fuss. Obviously we have toddler tantrums like many other two years olds although I think we are now entering the 'threenager' stage as there is less crying and more huffing, stamping feet and hands on hips, especially when I won't let her ride her scooter on the school run...it's six miles, or when I explain that the shampoo shield she is wearing isn't actually a skirt. She won that one and spent the entire day wearing it round her waist to prove that actually it can be a skirt. But when we basically took her bedroom away and gave it to the baby I was well prepared for the end of the world as you know its 'mine' but she didn't bat an eye lid, she saw the joy in the fact that she was going to be sharing with her big brother. (luckily he was equally happy to be sharing with her - phewf) Potty training, we explained what to do and she basically just did it her self. The other day I took both girls swimming and she just completely dressed herself, not unusual for a child of her age I know but I don't even remember teaching her these things she's just does it, she's just figures it out and get on with it. We often refer to her as being resiliant and I very much know what that feels like, I hadn't had any training on how to be a parent to a child with additional needs, I didn't sign up to it its just the path my life took and I just get on with it. Actually I'm not resilient and perhaps neither is she it's just assumed as she 'appears' strong. What I need to remember for my little 'Glass Child' is that sometimes not making a fuss and just getting on with it because its what you need to do isn't always easy. There are times when it takes a lot of energy not to have a tantrum or burst into tears because something else hasn't gone your way, I find it hard and she's only two! That when 'appearing' strong can mean I don't give her as much credit as she deserves and perhaps as much attention as she needs. I don't think being a 'Glass Child' is a bad thing, hard yes but bad no. All children need to learn to turn take, wait, be nice and accept other people for who they are and I honestly believe that siblings of children with additional needs have a greater advantage in all these life skills. From the moment they (or their sibling) is born they get practicing at this and it becomes their way of life. Neither of my girls will sit in corner forgotten about, believe me the noise that baby can make is pretty impressive, she is oh so dramatic over just about everything and anyone who has read my previous blogs will know that my 'Wild Child' certainly doesn't let herself be overlooked. It's just that sometimes, sometimes they are 'looked through'. I do not fear that they will be emotionally neglected as they grow up and I do not always prioritise My Little Holland, ALL my children will learn patients, prioritising and that being kind and helping others is a very very important part of life but my 'Glass Children' will experience this just a little bit more.
