I have no idea what I am doing. Blogging. Parenting. Life in general really. Do any of us? Or are we all jut sort of muddling through hoping that we are doing our best at whatever it is we are trying hard at?
So lets start at the beginning, a bit of an intro. Admittedly its a bit of a predicable possibly boring place to start however just like a jigsaw if you've got those all important edge pieces it does make the rest of the puzzle much easier to get to grips with and quite often more enjoyable. So with that in mind here we go....
Now, firstly if you haven't read the poem 'My Little Holland' please treat yourself and do so otherwise this blog possibly won't make a whole lot of sense it's on my page so you don't have to go far....
I don't really like going on about the day My Little Holand was born, actually if I could erase the whole experience from my memory I would, so I'll be brief, in a nutshell if you like. I'd spent 9 months waiting, growing my little baby, as you do and although I'm not one to plan ahead - I work much better on a 'one day at a time' basis (some may call it unorganised) - I'd of course wondered what it would be like when he arrived and allowed my self to daydream of a little boy running along the beach with his dad in the idealistic film like life we were going to have. Three kids later the fact that I ever entertained such a ridiculous scenario makes me laugh....oh the naivety of me the expectant mother! Anyway....after all the baby growing he was finally here and it was ll going to be great except for one teeny tiny problem.....he wasn't breathing. Bugger. 'I'd arrived in Holland' I was suddenly in a new place that I knew nothing about, that I hadn't expected to be. None of the 'How to be the most awesome mum ever books" mentioned anything about THIS! ...What now? Firstly, would he live? Would he die? Would he ever come home? Then once we were over those hurdles....Would he walk? Would he talk? Would he understand? And about million other questions that no one could answer then and still can't answer now. It turns out My Little Holland will do what he can do and from the day he was born I have had to go with the flow and learn on the job. I've got no idea what I'm doing. I'm muddling my way through trying to make sense of this whole being a mum thing, additional needs and all and keep these tiny people who I love very much alive each day. You'd think after the first and lets face it most complicated on paper it would have been a breeze second and third time round, WRONG! How are they all so different!? As it turns out number two is taking the role of being the middle child to a new level! I might not get it right every day but I'm trying my hardest and I'm learning all the time and taking on things I never even knew were things. My little boy will never run along the sand at sunset quite how I imagined ...not without falling over a good few times anyway but I'll take that. Thats us, thats what do, try hard, fall down, get back up, try again and figure out a different way of doing it that works for us.
