All children are different but having a child who is a little bit more different can sometimes feel like I’ve got a bit of a square peg. It’s not the same as having a child who just slots in to their place in society without any additional needs.
I’ve found there is a very fine line between including him and highlighting the fact that he is different. The fact he wants to join in makes me incredibly proud as there was time not so long ago when he was reluctant to leave my side, however I can’t help but feel sometimes I am knowingly setting him up for failure and no one wants to see their children fail do they? Ok, so that’s not 100% true. Sometimes I do a tiny little bit like when ‘Wild Child’ is on mission destroy the house and I say ‘No don’t do that, your biscuit won’t fit in the DVD player.’ I REALLY want her biscuit not to fit. But it does, of course it fecking does. (Why I need to give a reason for her not to put her biscuit in there I don’t know but I somehow I feel it gives me ammunition and I have a better chance of her doing as she's told, I might as well save my breath)
So apart from things like that, I don’t want to see my children fail but I also don’t want to stop them trying things that they want to, within reason obviously, ‘No you may not lick the inside of the freezer because your tongue might get stuck and it will hurt if it does, but good girl for asking’ (just so you know what I'm working with) ‘Wild Child’ normally charges head first into everything and seems to be one of those slightly irritating people who is naturally good at just about everything! (she gets that from her father) But with ‘Little Holland’ it could go either way. Sometimes he really wants to do something so I let him and it all goes tits up, sensory overload comes in to play and he hates the whole experience then I award myself with the worst Mum ever award for exposing him to it in the first place and we all go home and cry. Then other times he’ll start something rather reluctantly and end up loving it and so we are totally winning and it’s a great day, yay! The trouble is I never know which way it’s going to go so I just have to take a deep breath and hope for the best. Often when things have been thought through as to how it can be adapted for him it works much better and that’s just it, having a square peg doesn’t mean he can’t fit in it just requires the right tools and prep to make a hole that he can fit into.
Now just like most mums I will do my very very best help my child and will always go the extra mile to help him fit in but there are some situations where I can lay the foundations but at the end of the day it’s just not up to me and making friends is one of them. Little Holland recently celebrated his 5th birthday so I was faced with the awkward first year at school birthday party dilemma. What to do, who to invite, don’t want to look all showy offy having a massive party, don’t want to offend anyone by not inviting them, naturally when asked, the birthday boy wasn’t incredibly helpful...
Me- ‘What would you like to do for your birthday?’
Him- ‘Have a party’
Me- ‘Ok so what friends would you like to invite?’
Him- ‘All my friends. Can I watch Fireman Sam now?’
Brilliant.
So I went with a soft play, trampoline and bouncy castle combo and only invited his class at school, my thinking being they could pretty much entertain themselves (minimal party entertaining duties for me -win) and all the kids and parents know each other. Except me. On the odd occasion we are on time for school I am either chasing, dragging or bribing my toddler ‘Please walk nicely with mummy just for 5 minutes then you can get back in the car and watch whatever god awful cartoon you want’ actually we are now entering the Disney phase, praise the lord! Anyway that doesn’t leave much time for socialising with other mums but they all seemed to know each other so that was nice. And the kids were great, actually not great they were amazing and they didn’t even know it. They all started teaming up to create an obstacle course and then worked their way round it. Obviously this doesn’t lay within ‘Little Hollands’ natural strengths but he worked his way round, falling down, getting back up crawling when he needed to and his classmates without realising the enormity of what they were doing helped him. They waited for him, held out their hands to him and gave him a friendly push when he needed it. No one was asking them to do it, no one made them they just did it. Witnessing these children accepting him was magical , they weren't trying to get him to play the game their way but were helping him to do it his way.
My little boy will succeed at things he wants to with the right help and he will be able to participate when the right adaptations are made. Having a square peg isn’t easy but it isn’t always hard either, it’s just different.
